When your hope is your dream

When your hope is your dream

It’s been a long time I haven’t penned down anything motivating. Somewhere I had lost myself in the thoughts of many qualms and future apprehensions. Life has never been the same as it used to be earlier. You keep counting your days about when you will step to achieve your real dreams. Your hopes are now a dream with another optimism that it shouldn’t hurt when it’s a dream rather as it did when it was an uncertain hope. Somewhere the ardor of leading in life is getting lost.

The time comes when you start thinking about some special ones, their beliefs and their significance in your life. You still tend to do anything successfully possible for them and have all your thoughts, visions with their inclusion. Though, you know that they may not be holding your hand tight till you are fruitful in your mission but even that light hold of their hands gives you enough strength to fight the hurdles ahead. Somewhere in some corner of your heart you are momentarily broken but still you don’t forget to place your footsteps carefully on those slippery flight of steps. That small dream of your hope keeps you figuring out your strengths to fight the world around. You may not be the cream of the best cake but you can be always the part that justifies the appetite.

Somewhere you may feel that you shouldn’t be the part of the arcade where your special one’s belong to as you have many dodges and you don’t fit to hold their hands. But amidst all their success and positivity your own faults get hidden in the bush and you rise to struggle and aim to get your dreams along with your hopes. Their smile is enough a driving force for you to leave your melancholy behind and get along your rugged path. You crave to achieve the impossible and sustain to whiff your dreams and hopes.

One doesn’t know what is penned for them in the future but one should always remember that nothing is penned without one’s own effort to triumph their hope for the future. You fight, you struggle and you kneel to make your pavement smooth and calm. As we know an individual’s dream is achieved with the same individual’s fruitful effort to accomplish it; the same way an individual’s hope which is linked to someone is achieved when a clap is made and remember that a clap is never made with one hand.

-----With Love,

Rajdeep. (10 June, 2013)

LIVE LIFE WITH YOUR DREAMS

LIVE LIFE WITH YOUR DREAMS

I would like to pen my imagination by commencing a few words “Never stop pursuing your dreams else, you may find yourself at a point when your hair gets gray and you may look like an old man who stops thinking anything about his future.”

Walking alone on the barren land, I was thinking whether I would be able to meet anyone. But to my fate not only did I found her but also I met her aspirations. These were those aspirations or one can say the million dollar dream that one can hardly get a glimpse of it here.

She not only changed my acuity towards life, but also changed my way to live life. But before she came, I usually called this concrete jungle as a barren one because here though you get to see the mortals but it was difficult for me to get a human among them. Either they would be busy with the staircase of their self-heights or they would be so selfish that they forget the world around them. Thus, I had become so lonely that I could hardly think of a lighter hand on my shoulder. Days passed and I became inured to this so called world of mine. My parents would always say one word “Patience”; “Have patience and it will be the key to your success”. These are the mixture of words that would lead to one sentence among all the bunch of florid sentences they say whenever I would call them. I missed them a lot and missed my old buddies a lot. I wished to get back to those old cherishing days of college and training. Every other guy in this city though was in same situation as mine, but had someone who can hold their hands forever. I never had that someone even or rather I had lost that someone during my college days. I could never get my “Paradise” back, I knew that, but still I wanted to live my life to the fullest. Anyway I got busy on this barren land with my company’s client requirements and never had time to think about myself.

Days passed and weekends also but my heart never gave me a clearance that I can sacrifice myself for this place’s glory. I don’t know but somewhere deep inside my heart I had a feeling that no one is for me in this land. I wanted to run away somewhere where I could find peace, shredding all my dreams which I could hardly dream those days. So life was similar to a jailbird’s one.

One weekend I was exploring the city, it was as usual full of people rather busy ones those who never cared for what is happening in the world around them. I went around the raucous malls, had nothing to buy, but did mark some happy and sweet couples; I wished I could be one among them. To be in a less noisy and peaceful place, I went to the sea nearby and sat on the shoreline of it, watching wind scalp the white off the waves. Nearby I saw few kids enjoying with a ball and some with the sand. I felt happy watching them living their life to fullest. I wanted to go and play with them when I saw someone calling me from behind to help her out in a small issue she had. A small kid over there was selling a few small toys and his parents beside were busy selling the sea ornaments and this girl who called me was fighting there that a small kid should never work but he should go and play now. I felt she was absolutely right with her point of view and supported her there and swayed the kid’s parent that they should allow the kid to play and also let him go to school. The smile in the kid’s face was what we can call a million dollar one and the girl who was the reason for it also had a sweet smile which made me fall for her. And to my happiness she kissed me on my forehead even. And we walked along the shoreline to talk to each other. Her cute little fingers held my hand and we sat where I was seated, watching wind scalp the white off the waves. I was always amused that how a cute little girl could think so beautiful and humanly matured. She told me about her dreams and her life which made me feel guilty about my views and I decided to live life forever in high spirits whatever the situation may be around me.

Lucy as they all called her was just a small kid of 10 years old. But her dreams in her life were blissful. She knew that she was just a guest in this world for a few days but she never wanted anyone to realize that. She wanted every other kid in this world should enjoy their childhood and study and no kid should work for living but rather dream high for leading this country in any way they can. Since she knew that she could not possibly do that in future so she wanted others to live their dreams. And for a reminder she was just a kid of 10 years old with such high philosophy of life. It was poignant to know that she had bone cancer at such tender age but her smile made me forget all sorrows about her and of my life even. She asked me why I had such gloomy face and why didn’t I smile at all. After giving her details about me, she gave me example of living the dreams and asked me to marry my dreams as I had my entire life for it to cherish.

She said, “Every great dream begins with a jovial dream. Always remember, you have within you the serenity and the fervor to reach for the stars to bring a revolution.”

She added, “Go assertively in the path of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

These few lines made me fall in love with her and she became my first cutest love and I saw an angel in her. Later giving me her address she went away to her home. Next day onwards I enjoyed every second of my life and I felt cultivation is even possible in this barren land. I went to her house the other day with a red rose in my hand and a smiling Buddha as a gift for my always smiling lady. I knocked at her door and to my shock I found something which was unbelievable. I saw her photo hanging on the wall with a flower garland over it and few people performing some death rituals below it. I seriously broke down for few seconds until to my astonishment I found she was dead 4 days back and these guys were performing some rituals of the 4^th day. I didn’t find anyone sad in her house and all seemed to be normal and that’s because they all were living their dreams in the path shown by Lucy. The most shocking fact for me was that, if she was dead 4 days back then whom did I meet the day before! Whosoever I met that day, she was the angel of my dreams, she made my life and her words will make me live me through my dreams happily forever.

So I would say “Live your dreams and never think what the world feels for you. And make others feel their dreams; you will then live life to the fullest. Thus, never stop pursuing your dreams else you may find yourself at a point when your hair gets gray and you know you look like an old man who stops thinking anything about his future.”

With love,

Rajdeep.

The Unfeigned Paladins

The Unfeigned Paladins

“Gentlemen, I think it is about time we ‘pulled our fingers out’…If we want to be more prosperous we’ve simply got to get down to it and work for it. The rest of the world does not owe us a living.” ----- Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (1921)

They called it always the land of dreams. When I was about to land on this dreamers land, I thought it was all but a fallacy. Until the flight landed completely, I could barely see anything as the messengers from the heaven’s screensaver had blocked my view. Thereafter finishing the luggage identification process, when we (me and my mother) stepped out of the airport, one part of my vision found my uncle and another part was glued at the beautiful gifts of God. Though they were not at the perfect magical numbers of 36-24-36 but as heard earlier of Aamchi Mumbai, they were damn hot. I had to temporarily obstruct my wildest imaginations as the taxi had arrived to take us to Dombivili where my uncle resided. Thus, for the time my imagination switched to the mouth watery items which my aunt would have cooked for us. On our way to Dombivili, we passed through the Powai, where my uncle reminded me of a recent headline of a reporter being murdered in the hours of daylight. For the first time, the place made me imagine that how a beautiful place like that was made dirty by such heinous act. Then, we passed through IIT- Bombay. It seemed that all old scary bollywood movies would have been picturised in those buildings.

Finally, we reached Dombivili at my uncle’s flat. As imagined we had a great taste bud savvy lunch. On my stay at their place, we visited many places. One day we went to Dadar via local train. That was my first journey in the locals. Frankly speaking, at first I didn’t like it at all, but later on, on further travel by locals I loved them. It was because of the wonderful people of Mumbai. At Dadar, we went to the Sidhivinayak temple, where Lord Ganesha is worshipped. We then had some evening snacks and then walked pass the Kabutar-khana area, where they said thousands of pigeon gather in the morning to feed them. It was a pretty crowded area and people around were too busy with their work. We then returned back to Dombivili.

Later we traveled around many other stunning places of Mumbai like the Shanghrilla Water Park, Navi Mumbai, CST, Gateway of India, Taj hotel area, Marine Drive, Opera house area, Girigaon Chow patty and many others. Mumbai seemed really to be the land of dreams for me. A place like Marine Drive during the evening will make you forget all the hardships of the entire day. I never wanted to return from Mumbai but I had to because of a phony tongue given by my college to me.

Anyways everything was fine in Bhubaneswar. As days passed, my memories of the dream city had begun to fade away. But on an evening of 13/7/2011 when I switched on CNN-IBN, the headlines moved me. I saw the same place of dreams; I could recall my recent visit to those places. Another horrid act by the terrorists had made those places look very haunted. There were 3 serial blasts in Mumbai as the news flashed. It was at Dadar near Kabutar-khana, Zaveri bazaar and The Opera House area. I couldn’t believe my eyes as those places looked very familiar but yet very unfamiliar due to the bleeding bodies lying at those places on the streets. News showed people crying, where few days earlier I had seen them smiling even to the unknowns. Their pain at present was difficult to depict. Some kinds of vehicles were seen carrying the injured bodies and those scenes were very excruciating. Again another news flashed showing that it was Kasab’s birthday and it reminded me of 26/11. Anger roared within me, that this bastard is still fed by our government and is yet to be butchered. That night was a very intricate one for me; it made me feel the pain of the place that I visited a few days back.

The next day, while switching through news channels, I found some channel taking the credit for being the first one to reach the place and give updates about the attack. It made me dunk in more hatred towards those channels. Another one flashed about the barking of Rahul GAYndhi and PIGvijay Singh as usual. These political bastards would never change. I always thought that this PIGvijay was supposed to be in some asylum and what was he doing in this exterior world. At night my friend messaged me that the Barkha Lady has barked foolishly again in her channel. I smiled and it was a smile of anguish that when will this country and these political parties revolutionize and when will the politicians stop barking and start talking likes human beings.

Our country needs a huge change in its thinking and in its voice. So, it made me think of taking an initiative of writing and making it possible that we youth should write our thoughts and our writings is shared among as many as possible. The words in those writings may have any kind of anger, love, or hatred, but it should pledge to share a positive message. Anyone can pour in any positive idea or thoughts. This made me form a group called “The Unfeigned Paladins”. We should emerge as a true champion and try our best to revolutionize things.

With love,

Rajdeep.

Time: Me being at the verge of it

“Time: Me being at the verge of it”

I have been waiting for these days for a long time. But when I’m at its verge, I don’t know why I feel missing something vital. I find having many things to attest and a hell lot of things to do. Whenever at this verge of missing something important, I try to take a step that would make me miss nothing; I always find this new tale of time opposing me. Thus, I take a step back and somewhere my guts to fight these constraints, falls apart as usual.

In this four times whirling of our earth around the brightest sun, it’s been impossible for me to show my real inside to everyone. I have always been bonded by some sort of rules and conditions. I always felt if ever I try to break these rules of the ‘rule book’, I may lose something vital of my life. And, now when I have been a successful follower of the ‘rule book’, I find myself missing few of the vital things of my life.

One of the important things is that what makes me feel the same kind of psychosis which I once had two years back. But at that time the times never played any hide and seek fixture with me. This time when I had to fight with this time’s ‘rule book’, I find it almost impossible to hoist my guts to do something that will make me lose nothing.

So lonely and yet so empty, I sometimes feel, remembering the moments I had once spent in the last 40 percent of the decade. And thinking about the loneliness which I will have to face after jumping the verge of these days, makes me feel eerie. I wish I may rise to my guts and fight with this new ‘rule book’ that’s been opposing me.

With love,

Rajdeep…

My Life, my soul and those unutilized experiences.

My Life, my soul and those unutilized experiences.

I’m very happy today. My experience has count another year. Well I can see everything that’s happening around me. Sonali is already 23 and she is the most beautiful girl on this globe. Subh is happy with her own family. My mom is already 74 and her blood pressure is never under control. How many times I must have told her in the last 30 years to do take care of her food habits but still she is the same. My papa, Mr. Alok Kumar has retired from his bank managerial post but he has also got a promotion from an angry young man to an angry old man. Fifty years of my life has been a long story. There have been many twists in my life. I have learnt many things and gained lots of experience from those turnarounds.

My family was one of the happiest families. I still remember the get together we usually had. Nanaji, Mausaji, Foofaji all came together and with their families. Most memorable was my cousin Amol, trying to learn Sanskrit to make an impact on his college’s Sanskrit department HOD, as he loved the HOD’s daughter. I was 15 then, when it started and even now Amol is still trying to learn Sanskrit as the HOD’s daughter is a widow and Amol is still the sweet bachelor. I wish he learns Sanskrit soon. I also feel that Amol may end his life’s quota being a virgin and I doubt if anything can happen at this age of his.

Those were the golden years of our family get together, when I was around 15 and how can I forget to speak about the most beautiful young girl, Sonali. Everybody loved her redolence, her caring nature. She had some special bond with me as she was my sweet little sister. Those words of her, “Thank you, bhaiya. Look I have stood first in the competition. My poem was very much appreciated and that’s because of your suggestion.” That was her first award and even her last.

Suddenly one day, all the counts of happiness in our family were decremented. It was on her way to school that her bus met an accident. Many students died in the accident and many got seriously injured. Sonali was one of those seriously injured. It was my 1^st memory of a visit to a hospital. The crappy medicinal smell, every corridor of the hospital smelled as if someone had poured out the entire 200Ml of rectified spirit. I thought it was my 1^st visit to a hospital as I didn’t remember how the hospital looked and smelled when I had first winked at a nurse and that too being completely naked.

When we reached Sonali’s room, it was one of the most excruciating moments of my life. I thought I couldn’t see her like this. She was patched white all over her body and no more she looked the same beautiful. Everyone of my family went one by one to talk to her and calm her but I couldn’t gather strength to talk to her. But she called me, “Bhaiya”. Her voice suggested the pain she was enduring but it sounded with the same affection we had. She pointed everyone else to leave the room as she wanted to talk to me all alone. Then she said something that took me by surprise and disbelief. She said, “Don’t cry bhaiya, I will come back to you. I’m just going for a holiday for a few years and this globe will again be kissed by me being born to Rita mausi”. “Rita mausi”, that name sounded too familiar. And, yes she was my mom’s cousin whom everyone hated in my family because it was said she had lots of affairs and she was only two years older than me. I never believed Sonali in her concept of reincarnation. But Sonali had never lied to me ever. So, I placed my hands around her hand and said, “You are lying to me as I have not permitted you to go for a holiday”. But then there were her last words as she said, “No, bhaiya. I have never lied to you and this is truth. Bye, love you and miss you”. She did close her eyes forever after that.

Everyone completely broke in our family and don’t ask me what was my situation. Days passed by and there were no more get together and I finally joined college with Accounting honours. That was the period when I gathered my smile once again. Friends, college life and my love; it was the 1^st time I saw Subh. She was gorgeous, fashionable and was always with a smile on her visage. I don’t know what was happening but I was gaining my weakness towards her. Later after one year of my college life I was able to talk to her. We then had been very close to each other and understood each other. One day I proposed her and she did agreed to it. Then I got my status changed to the so called heavily questioned word “committed”. Our college life passed away and we both joined the same banking sector. Later one day gathering strength we were both able to convince our parents for our marriage. Now both the families were close to each other and happy together. Our marriage dates were to be decided but that idiot Pandit said that our marriage can be held after 3 years. I wished papa could have paid that idiot a little more and brought the dates closer or I doubted if that vulnerable creature was satisfied the last night. Anyways everything was fine as happiness had again poured back to my family.

Suddenly, one day we had an invitation, Rita mausi was getting married. Along with the happiness of our family a reminder clicked my memory. I remembered those last words of Sonali. I got excited as it was time to meet my beloved sister once again. After Rita mausi’s marriage, I came much closer to her. I always helped her and all her required jobs were done by me more rather than her husband. My family thought that Rita mausi was trying to get me into trouble and she was back to form but no one knew the truth. They tried to avoid me from getting closer to Rita mausi but all their efforts went in vain. Then one day she got pregnant, rather being happy, most of my family members stared at me as if I was the criminal. But the news was one of the happiest moments of my life. Sonali is back and I will meet her soon. Then, I told everything to my family what Sonali had said to me during her last few minutes. Thereafter I was saved from those starring. From that day, everybody started taking intensive care of Rita mausi. She must have thought it was her golden period of her life or must have pinched herself most of the times thinking she was dreaming.

Finally the day arrived, Sonali was to be born. Rita mausi was taken to the hospital and I went to buy Sonali’s favourite “Gulab jamuns” for all. I then got a call on my cell phone. It was papa, he was 1^st to inform me about the good news. I was too much keyed up and my car was parked the other side of the road. I had to cross the road but in the excitement I did a mistake of not concentrating while crossing the road. A truck did hit me from the other side and my body deleted its soul from it forever. I was unable to touch Sonali but my soul always guided her and felt her. That was the period when my family was filled with happiness and grief stricken all at one go. I lost my life, my family, my love but one thing I couldn’t lose was my soul. Days passed by, my soul saw Sonali grow up and even Subh had gathered strength and was married to a very good man. Everyone is happy and it is what always made me happier.

Today is my 50^th birthday and Sonali has organized a party for it. Everybody is invited and there will be another get together in our family after a long period. Fifty years of my life has been a long story. There have been many twists in my life. I have learnt many things and gained lots of experience from those turnarounds. But never was able to utilize those experiences though.

THOSE DAYS.........

Those days:

When I opened my eyes that morning, finding it heavy to get a complete wake calls, I realized something and went to darkness again. There was an acrid stench that morning and I was feeling it difficult to breath. It was at a height of about 1200 meters that I was taking a nap and I had

acrophobia i.e. I feared height. Anyone who came to know this was astonished that if I had acrophobia then why I was at such a height. It was not me that went on my own but something took me there. After that morning, I had lost all my days, only darkness crawled beside my every second of breath.

Let me begin with another day to give a clear perception to everyone about the events that followed to such darkness of my life. It was a day on which everything seemed to be happening good for me. I got my new bike and I found somebody special. She was Rihana. We were friends at first but we never realized that we were in love at the first sight. She was the ultimate beauty one could ever describe and was full of youth. She had one rare quality that I liked the most. She carried around some abstruse works of philosophy, not because she understood them but because she wanted her friends to think she did.

We were very close to each other for months. Later realizing that we were in love, I proposed her and she gave an approval to it without hesitating. We were very much happy together and even we could have been rewarded as the best couple in our college.

Days past, our academic and work curriculum became a bit strangled and I had to go to Mysore for my project. I was about to return in two months but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bear leaving her out of my sight for a minute but I had to be away from her for more than two months by now.

Finally my project was over and I returned home. Returning I rushed directly to Rihana to realize something that made me speechless forever. She was no more with me, she was dead and that too she committed suicide. Why did she leave me alone? Why did she commit suicide? I was wandering with all these questions when I finally got my answer.

Everyone present there saw me and got surprised. They came up to me and me one question,” You are alive?”. It took me aback and I couldn’t understand what was happening and why. Later someone gave me a clarification of that. They told me that everyone present there knew that I was no more alive. For the last one month I had not called nor contacted anyone and that was true because I was busy with the finishing of my project we were not allowed for any social contact.

Then, they told that last two week ago somebody called and made an announcement that I was dead and gave the proof identity of my death and said that my body was cremated. They cremated my body because they found no one to contact for two days about the body and later they found a contact to call my relatives.

I tried to recall and yes last month I was pick pocketed. My wallet had my relatives contact number but only it was I who could easily find it. So, it may have happened that the man who had pick pocketed me have died for some reason and the one those who cremated the body later may have found someone to contact using my wallet. This news was a shock and disbelieve for Rihana. She, then used to go up to the mountain cliff near her home at about 1200 meters above the sea level and used to sit there for hours thinking that I will return. She had lost her senses to speak and never heard whatever others said to her. Later, two days back, she lost her concentration and fell down the cliff and was no more in this world. She died waiting for me and I came when everything was over.

After coming to know all this, I was completely shattered and found myself alone. Walking across the road thinking that her soft hand still held me and later realizing that I was all alone. That evening, I went to that cliff, shouted “Rihana, Rihana, please come back to me” and cried a lot. I didn’t know when I felt drowsy and went to sleep just on edge of the cliff. I was having acrophobia, so I was also finding it difficult to breath but I slept. Later my eyes opened in the morning, finding heavy to get a complete wake calls, I realized something and went to darkness again.

I went into comma after that and somebody picked me up to the hospital and there I remained forever, though alive but dead forever looking at the photo of Rihana hanging in front of my bed and still reminding those days.

Thank you all………

PARADISE......................

PARADISE..........

Love is a universal idea. Most people believe they feel or have felt love. What we think of as love and true love might not be the same thing. In fact, they might even be complete opposites.
When a person loves someone he yearns to be with them, a day apart feels like years.
True loves concept is not easily understood. What we do not truly comprehend and feel cannot truly be understood by us. Therefore, it is difficult to understand true love, being as in reality, a lot of us have never actually felt it. If we come away with only one lesson from this section, it should be that what we perceive as love and true love are two totally different things.
When we love, is it really the “him or her” that we love or is it the “I” we love?
I believe love is true when it is not self-centered.
If we truly love someone, we should follow a two-step process: Firstly, we should take the time to think and realize how a lot of what we think of as love for others is truly an extension of our own self- love. Then we should try to focus ourselves on loving others, for what they are, and not for what they do for us physically or spiritually. This transformation from self-love to love of others is not a simple one. It takes time and effort but the reward of this process is to truly love others. When we reach that level of love, which is the ultimate, for that love is eternal beyond time and space.
The love of a person implies not the possession of that person, but the affirmation of that person in all their uniqueness.
Sometimes your love is never understood by the person you love as she/he is unable to look into your truth as you can do from your side. It feels broken on your part but you are happy on her/his part as she/he may be happier. That’s what a true lover seeks for; my love should always be embraced under the brighter part of her life.
I have spoken lot, defining the parameters of true love. Now let me narrate a veracious story.
“A boy at the very first year of his college life falls in love with a girl who is not only beautiful but simple, caring, graceful, a hundred grader in behaviour too. This description is too short to describe her. She is his dream girl.
The boy always fell short of words when he talked to her. He even didn’t know what the reason was. He was a guy who was never confident what he speaks of. May be that was the reason, he never wanted to speak anything that might have been misinterpreted by her. He always wanted to see her happy. His prayers had already added few more time to it.
Finally, after a year or so the guy does a mistake. He speaks his love to her but now his words betrayed him as he had feared of. He could speak his love to her but not express it. It was not a call from his heart to speak to her about his feelings. Now, he fears again to speak to her just to know the reply. May be his words betray him again. It’s difficult to describe his twenty-four hours nowadays.
But, he still loves to see her be happier forever and be content to her happiness. He knows he will love her forever and his prayers will be counting more minutes.”
This is what we can say is true love that is similar to paradise.
So, I can say,
“Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.”
(Most of d part written by me n few portions collected)